This Week's Top Ten Stories

In a move to lesson the amount of boring 'today I did this, yesterday I ate sausages, tomorrow I have a hair cut appointment' writings, the form of my 'diary' is inspired by popular female magazine 'Grazia' (I hasten to add that I have never bought a copy of this fine publication, but will admit to have read a few which I have found lying around). One of Grazia's key features is 'This Week's Top Ten Stories', in which the top ten news stories from the week are discussed. I say 'news stories' because the lovely writers at Grazia seem to often forget news such as Iraq War Enquiry or MP's Expense Row in favour of important news about shoes. Or bags. Or celebrities. Sometimes its all three combined. And so, here is my 'Top Ten...'


1. "Let it snow, Let it snow, Let it snow"

I write this from a small apartment in Verbier, Switzerland, where I have been for the past 10 days. And a mighty fine 10 days it has been.

I learnt to snowboard in Dubai (we'll forget the irony of this statement and move swiftly on) and have been on two snowboarding holidays - firstly two years ago with Nai and Em whilst Em was doing a ski season with her brother Dan, and secondly with Nai, Mike and Becs to Zermatt. Both were awesome fun - La Rosier because it was my first time in the alps and it was with Nai and Em so the three of us ripped it up on and off piste, and Zermatt because it was with Nai, Becs and Mike and was in a five star chalet with incredible food, all you can drink wine and amazing snow. So with only fun times on the slopes in my memory bank, when I knew I was leaving Dubai, the natural first stop was the Alps for the rest of the season. And here, myself and Becs will be for a grand total of five weeks, carving it up, being narly, and hopefully staying entirely intact.

How good is that?! Lovely apartment, spending each day outdoors riding down a steep slope on a small piece of wood, and ham and cheese. LOTS of ham and cheese



2. "Three Best Men"

In between Dubai and Switzerland, we spent a couple of days in England, visiting friends and family. One night was spent in the company of some of my favourite people in the world - all of the Bright Lights and their associated others (except for lovely Ruth who was either working or didn't want to see me). During that time, James (Bassy Brightlight aka Old Brightlight aka Rob Brydon/Postman Pat Brightlight) asked me to be Best Man at his wedding, along with Joe (Clammy Brightlight) and Jim (Naked Brightlight). I was, and am, incredibly proud to say yes, and incredibly excited at the fun that lies ahead. The four of us did spend a legendary three days in Vegas once upon a time, but that was some years ago and I am not sure we will be allowed to do it again, so the alternative planning starts now. What's more, I can't wait until November to see James and Ruth get married - firstly because I love them both, they are incredibly suited to each other and I know it will be a very happy day, and secondly because there is a rumoured Bright Lights reunion. It's probably only the Bright Lights who are looking forward to this part of the wedding, so we will try to keep it brief. And I will try to stay sober until after the performance – unlike when we played at Ruth’s wedding when the choice of the final song ‘Nobody Does It Better’ couldn’t have been any more ironic



3. Smiling all the way to the bank

One of the advantages of living in Dubai was obviously the tax free wages (although I would like to point out that while there is no 'tax', there are lots of ways that the government do impose unseen taxes). However, after making a bad investment in shares a few years ago, I have been incredibly worried in the past year about another investment I made - in a property in Dubai. For the past 8 months, I have been embroiled in lengthy attempts to get the money back from the investment and many times over those 8 months, it has seemed like fighting a losing battle. However, this week, the deal went through and I got back most of the money. It does mean that I have lost a little bit but nowhere near as much as I thought I was going to lose and it means that my time in Dubai was rewarding on three levels - friendships, experiences, and financial.


4. Knight The Transvestite (see my earlier post)

Watching the BBC one-off special about Eddie Izzard completing 43 marathons in 51 days was truly inspiring.


5. Going all the way back to Australia, just to get to England

The only bad news of the week has been that Becs will have to go back to Australia to apply for her visa to get into England. This puts a dent into the travel plans and is a general pain in the arse


6. Volver a la escuela

For those of you without access to 'google translate', that means 'back to school' in spanish. For yes, I have gone back to school in a doubtless futile attempt to learn Spanish. I have attempted once before but didn't really have any willpower or desire to learn. Hopefully this time will be different - the fact I am intending to go to South America in little over one month, will be travelling on my own, and am unable to speak anything other than English, is my motivation. I am in a class of two people - the teacher is French, the other student is Germanic Swiss and I understand about 1% (uno percento??) of what is being said. This must be how it is for Australian's speaking to English people.


7. Must try harder

On to sports news, and last Saturday was spent watching the final three games of this year's Six Nations. Wales finally showed a bit of flair in dispatching Italy. Scotland defeated the Irish in the best game of the Championship and England went down bravely to Grand Slammers France. After 4 turgid performances, it was good to see England taking the game to the opposition, largely through the might of Mike Tindell and the running flair of Ben Foden. But Tindell seems to be the rugby version of Joe Cole – after a long time out of the team, England's best player and only hope of victory gets substituted after 60 minutes for no obvious reason. A bad mistake by Martin Johnson who is making it hard to stick up for him - I still think he was the right choice of manager but probably only because of blind loyalty caused by one night in 2003 (of course I mean the RWC final, not a night of romance I spent with the big man). If Johnson is to stay, which I believe he will until the world cup next year, surely he must shake up his coaching team and he must, HE MUST, pick James Simpson-Daniel.


8. From Russia with love

One of the freedoms that not having a job has afforded me is the time to read a book. It seems like I haven't read a book, other than an Inspector Rebus novel, for ages. This past week I have been reading the excellent 'Child 44' by debut writer Tom Rob Smith. I heard a review of this on Simon Mayo's old Radio 5 show some time ago and searched it out at the airport on the way to Switzerland. Set in Cold War Stalinist Russia, it is an absolutely compelling story about an MGB investigator whose years of sending innocent men to their death (or, arguably worse, the Gulag), finds the tables turned on him when he is ordered to investigate his own wife. The central focus of the book is that in a society where crime doesn't exist (because that would suggest that it is not a perfect society), a mass murderer is on the loose. But it is far more than a simple crime novel - it is a very interesting portrait of Stalinist Russia, something which I have never had an interest in before.


9. Celebrity News.

I can't be inspired by Grazia's Top Ten without mentioning this week's top celebrity news. But having just trawled both the BBC and The Sun websites I can't find anything of any note at all. Believe me, this isn't a vain attempt of mine to show disdain for celebrity news - I admit to being interested in it. I just can't find anything interesting at all. But I am sure that something has happened between Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Oh, and Tiger Woods has announced he will return to play at the Masters and did another horrendous interview - this time with the exalting Golf Channel, the presenter of which asked Tiger some of the question we all want to ask him but didn't re-ask the question when Tiger sidestepped it. Now he has done it, if asked any 'controversial' questions, Tiger will simply reply that he has answered these questions and move on. But he hasn't! But does it matter what Tiger has done in his private life? Shouldn't we only be interested in his life on the golf course? That would be the case if he hadn't have taken money from sponsors in portraying himself as a whiter than white, all american family man (case in point being the advert he did for a credit card for Fathers Day). And does anyone really believe him when he says he regrets everything he has done and gives the camera big puppy dog eyes? The only thing he regrets is being caught. And he is still lying, telling the Golf Channel that not one of his entourage knew about his 'discretions'. How could they not? How could one of the most famous men in the world participate in bedroom olympics with upwards of 10 women (allegedly!!) without anyone knowing? Of course, The Golf Channel need him far more than he needs them, so were never going to press him on the interesting questions or be anything other than reverential. Which is what his management company, IMG, would have known, hence picking them to do the interview. But does anyone really thing he is sorry?


10. Fashion News (for their must be some)

After 29 years on this earth, I have found out that I look much much better in v necked shirts than in t shirts.